mixed feelings i guess

only 2 more days to youth camp(:(:

and gonna watch new moon tmr. I only watch 4 th guy luhh heee:D

 

 

But frankly, aft camp briefing on sat, i dont really think i’m looking forward 2 youth camp this yr:(

At least its still 1 of th things tht keep me sane.

Bitter Heart♥

Being decisive is not always a good thing. At least 4 me.      More often than not, th decisions i make turn out 2 be th wrong 1.

 

Church ytd was kind of fun(: i was in church doing registration 4 youth camp as usual(: than aft tht clarence had 2 go 2nd service so left me with Barney and Brandon.

 Than Genelle came along(: she was so cute hahah. Jere, Brandon kept disturbing her and me-.- Brandon kept hitting me which explains th huge wounds-.-She was so cute lol. Jere wore th beatles shirt which had its 4 band members on it. So Genelle was like ” who are they??” and he was like” th beatles okayy. great stuff”. She was like” they dont look like beetles” LOL. But wad 2 expect, she’s pri3.Brandon kept flirting with her aww LOL. its kinda weird but (:  OHH & when she left he told her 2   stay safe, like wad Edward told Bella in twilight, not tht i really like twillight. Nvr thot he had it in him. Andand, they kept making me laugh:D  took my mind off things. i accidentally hit some1 with my bible:(       

         

 Ann said he likes either me or Hannah HAHAHA. its ok if its hannah, but so not me la, impossible. he’s 2 irritating 4 me. Am happy cos Ann and Hannah are gg 4 yf camp this yr:D OHH AND, ytd when brandon went 2 his fb account, th dog wrote 2 him, she wrote “hey dear” ew yuckk. And he said tht when he saw it he was like wth. UHHUH, DESPO PPL. i told genelle it was written by a particular SKINNY person(:

So unfair, Ann’s going on a holiday 2 korea. She’s bringing kimchi bck 4 me(: and nicole’s gg 2 japan.

So unfair, i nvr get 2 go on a holiday this dec-.-

hmm only 8 more days 2 camp(:

 

ur silence doesnt change anything.

abstinence

i’m falling apart,

i’m barely breathing

With a broken heart,

tht’s still beating

 

this innocence, is brilliant

This moment, is perfect,

 pls dont go away

 

Wake me up inside

She just watched herself,

make th same mistakes again

She wants2 go hme,

but  nobody’s home,

its where she lies, broken inside

no place 2 go 2 dry her eyes.

She’s losing her mind,

she’s falling behind.

She cnt find her place,

She’s falling frm grace,

She’s all over th place.

She’s lost inside.

suppressed agony

Today tf was as usual. but th fun part was during lunch:D nicole me grace &elissa were at a table:) so fun la. But elizza kept bullying me-.- we were talking abt guys haha. Than suddenly switch to Obama. Grace has th same weird taste in guys as me aint it cool:) so fun la. & we keep laughing so loudly tht many ppl were looking. i saw a totally diff side of grace la:)Ok gtg slp alr, church tmr.

;suppressing th agony inside.

so much has changed

i cnt believe i JUST figured out how 2 color th writings-.-

 

When I was young I’d listened to the radio
Waitin’ for my favorite songs
Waiting they played I’d sing along
It made me smile

Those were such happy times,

and not so long ago
How I wondered where they’d gone

Lookin’ back on how it was, in years gone by
And the good times that I had
Makes today seem rather sad
So much has changed

Went 2work today. so boring. Sitting thr like a faggot. Mouldy cheese. Gonna find a job at some other place soon. I hope.

Every time when I see you,& when i look into your eyes,I see the person I’d always known):  Hidden deep inside.

In th image of God

In th image of God, 

we were made long ago

With a purpose divine,

here his glory 2 show

But we failed Him 1 day,

& like sheep went astray

Thinking not of th cost

we His likeness hv lost.

But frm eternity,

God had in mind

Th work of calvary,

th lost 2 find.

Frm His heaven so broad,

Christ came down earth 2 trod

so tht men might live agn in th image of God.

Now tht i hv believed&th savior received

Now tht i fr th cry of my guilt am relieved,

i will live4 my lord,

not4gain nor reward

But 4 love,

thinking of wad His grace has restored!

I’ll nvr comprehend redemption’s plan

How christ cld condescend2die 4 man

Such a savior I’ll praise 2 th end of my days

As i upward, onward trod,

in th image of God

situation:lost control

Had class chalet ytd. went at 5 but reached arnd 8-.-cos i waited 4 tong.you owe me bigtime SOON YUTONG. Cos i also didnt no how 2 go And th stupid cab driver took us 2 costa sands pasir ris instead of downtown east-.- So had 2 take another shuttle bus. wasted $2++.

Th other chalets were filled with lians & bengs & we were making fun of them:)Didnt really bond with th others cos most of them just kept drinking & getting wasted. Gary Peh came & he bought some cans of beer and vodka. When he came Agnes was screaming like some drunkard but in th end she didnt even get drunk.I drank a bit too, but wasnt as drunk as th rest. I was a little drunk. Kept walking backwards but i didnt realise it until some point of time. At least i can hold my drink kinda well:)And i kept screaming at tong & agnes. Was so funny cos agnes & i keep screming & talking abt disgusting stuff in nanjing tht we were almost vomitted hahah. Like seriously almost threw up.Fortunately we didnt.

Th others were very drunk esp Jai & daniel. They were so drunk tht i think they didnt even no wad was happening.  Daniel was like rolling on th bed. Jai almost tripped over himself. Tht’s how drunk he was. Tong, me, brandon were playing cards than he came out. So scary luhh. His eyes were bloodshot & he was staring into space. Patricia & some other drunk ppl were tau-poking each other & throwing pillows. Some not drunk ones were screaming with them in th chalet. I did 4 awhile but was like …” i think i’ll get hurt if i stay longer.. ”

went 2 ehub with tong and were like swaying abit lol. took bus home with tong & reached around 1am. So tired. Waited 4 bus 15 4 like so long with 2 other idiots than we realised tht it stopped service at 2300-.- than th train also had no more service. So took some other bus & a cab which costed me $7. Waste $$-.-

hahah:)Long 3-day post!

(FRIDAY&SAT)omgg these few days were super exciting! funfunfun hahah. friday we had tf retreat but thr were more young kids. & i had a fun time cos She basically kept outta my way Not really tht fun la haha cos th games were tiring & not fun!i was supposed 2 be in a grp with a new kid called jon & brandon. But i was like slacking luhh. Anws, i was singing outside th toilet cubicle when Elissa & nicole were bathing lol. cos nth 2 do.I on music 4 them okayy. Nvr thank me-.- 

During some board games, jere(as usual) & this kid called clement were arguing real bad. Now th kid’s prob nvr gonna come bck 2 tf agn. Ohh, Nicole, brandon & i had a kinda fruitful conversation at like..11pm. We were like just talking abt our personal stuff but was relaxing aft tht running&games.

Than we were reading magazines & ju & elissa were quarrelling over man-u &liverpool haha! damn funny luhh. aft tht ju dropped elissa’s phone & she screamed. But when he said tht it dropped on his leg she said tht it was worse cos it was contaminated lol. They were so hilarious luhh. Anws i went out l8r & saw th grp of gymnast splitting(as uausl). They were all over th floor doing stretches. She was thr 2 & i was like erk. Was quite surprised cos 1 of them was like Piong*, splitting over th chairs. I was like.. er.. shall not disturb. Lights out was at like 2am. Trained home on sat to grandma’s hse. Aft tht went bck 2 paint banner:)for youth camp. Was chatting with Brandon & wanqin haha. So fun:) Ohoh! tf tht ytd was like, omgg, only like 8 ppl. Wad’s th point ppl?! Al lth other teens went home cos they were so tired. only left me nicole Jt & josiah.

 Oh but here’s th fun parts:) * screams* hmm Ben, bro matt & josh were hanging banner & ju, me, nicole & ian were chatting Abt her cos they wanted 2 no th conflict btwn us & her or sth. Ju said is it like, nobody likes Her? ian said tht his dog did, so i replied tht cos they were of th same breed haha. But brandon said 2day tht i shldnt insult dogs. & i thot i was mean anws 4 of us went 2 dinner. Nicole & i thot tht ___ was cute:) or, wld be even cuter if he’d put on some muscles & cut his damn long hair. Aww, when we saw his expression when he touched someone else’s dogg we were like **omgomg**damn cute! Cos he likes doggs damn alot. & cats 2, like me:) He’s cute when he smiles, but some ppl thinks he looks weird. Dunno. Trained home all th way fr simei.

SUNDAY(2DAY)my mother bought contacts 4 me. arghh i cnt get it in my freaking eyes!Until now, at nite from morning! anw, i was doing registration with clarence but so far only like 3 ppl signed up-.- maybe cos 1st day la.

Hmm, haha b4 2nd service i was really boredd , but Ann & Brandon kept me entertained! Even during 2nd service Brandon purposely send me this weird msg. Didint really get it but thx guys:D i needed tht:)Than nth muchh alr. Ooh had sushi tei 4 lunch. Weird name.

I’m super angry with my small eyes & big contacts & sticky fingers! 1)contacts keep sticking on 2 my fingers aft i poked&pushed them into my eyes. 2) Aft i finally manage 2 squeeze them in, thay slipped outta my eye. See wad i mean?!? ok, gg watch my nicenice show alr:) bb.

it takes a few seconds 2 say hello, 4eva 2 say gdbye.

Trying 2 4get th 1 u really like is like trying 2 rmb some1 whom u dunno.

Memories are just like leaves. Once they fall, we cnt go back agn, all we can do is keep th leaves & treasure them.

sometimes liking some1 is like a broken glass;its better2 leave it than hurt urselves while picking up th pieces.

One Love

The moodswings’ coming; i feel it. So pressurized lately. Hw, jobs.. just mind-breaking. Saturday was a disaster.Kind of. Tht’s y i dont like weddings. 1)her  2)their crowded  3)boring  4) her. Note tht the her is not some weird person who stole my bf and i hate her kinda shit. Not tht dramatic, but i still hate her. Or rather, everyone does, i swear 2 God they do. i shld no. Sad. Tf retreat’s the only thing i’m looking forward to:D maybe not tht muchh anw. & painting banner. Omgg bro matt spoke 2 CH  just now. Hope its abt yf camp:D Clique & i just prob gonna bitch abt her. I partly blame her 4 my moodswings btw. 

ohh man! i’m watching this HK show. omgg i cnt believe it! me! HK show! so NOT associated. i dont like hk shows. Or any chinese shows basically. Their like, so yuk. Esp HK shows. Everytime i flip on tht channel, their either crying or..dying(no off 2 drama-loving ppl) -.- & plus i cnt understand it. Pls note tht th 1 i’m watching is not th 1000-episode show of ‘love’. Tht i really cnt stand. i think th 1 i’m watching is some police show. This has got 2 be th only HK drama tht isnt so dramatic btw.Anw i cnt understand a word! hv 2 read th subtitles. i’m only watching cos of this eva-so-cute actor in th show!!!oh man, just cos of th actor haha:) But in my opinion he’s really freaking cute. Weird cos usually asians are not tht goodlooking. Not tht i think i’m 2 good 4 my own race, but its a fact. Hmm..mixed bloods or other races are better:)anw i dont fantasize. Not me. definitely NOT 4 actors tht are LITERALLY”out of reach”.

I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.

You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.

The stain of love
Is upon the world.
Yellow, yellow, yellow,
It eats into the leaves,
Smears with saffron
The horned branches that lean
Heavily
Against a smooth purple sky.

 

;To tell the truth u know i’ve been hurting all along.

 

 

we’ll make it thru

Today was last day of sch:( aww, will miss them peeps. Very little ppl came 2day cos of their nanjing trip. Anw quite fun luhh, if u consider cleaning up e classroom fun, tht is. Aft sch me and tongs wanted 2 go 2 qrchard cineleisure but was lazy:) so train-ed 2 amk hub instead. I watched her eat pepper lunch cos i dun like it & hates beef(ugh).

Watched love happens but it was not tht nice. Anw we were like kinda high in e cinema cos 1)we were damn cold & kept fidgeting  2)last day of sch yay.We were trying 2 shoot crushed ice & popcorn at this grp of guys.. pri6? i no we sound irritating but we were so high & besides they were damn irritating, keep laughing so loud 4 no reason n running arnd in e place can u believe it?! and they kept trying 2 strangle each other or sth. Weird man. Kids these days. lol

Am looking 4ward 2 class chalet & youth camp&tf retreat:) but not so 4 gb camp ugh. i’m not even sure if i can go 2 class chalet anm cos i hv 2 work:( ohh wells.

Keep holding on, we’ll make it thru, stay strong; cos u no i’m here 4 you. i’ll be by ur side u no i’ll take ur hand. Nth we can do;thr’s no other way when it comes 2 th truth. Wadeva’s meant 2 be will work out perfectly.